I gots the goods.

So I started work at the hotel last Thursday. I really actually enjoy being back. I like the fact that the day goes by so much faster because I'm constantly doing something. The only sucky part is that I haven't been getting that much sleep because I just can't force myself to get to bed before midnight, and I wake up at 5:30. I used to be able to do that all the darn time, but for some reason its been harder to function on 5 hours of sleep, and it isn't good sleep either, its tossing and turning, looking at the clock every hour sleep. But I'm sure that will even itself out eventually.

I went to the doctor today. For two reasons: First I'm sick of feeling anxious all the time. I decided that yes, in fact, it is become a big enough problem to go see someone about it... and low and behold, I have Social Anxiety Disorder. I know what all of you are thinking, thats stupid April, just get over it. Well I've tried and tried. Like those people who are depressed all the time, I just think... well why can't they just stop feeling sorry for themselves and get over it... now I know how they feel. I'm not depressed by any means, in fact, I'm a pretty happy person. But I understand how "getting over it" just isn't that easy. I've never been for medicines that control your mood or behavior, until I thought maybe I could use one... I avoid public places unless I have to go. i hate being around lots of people whether I know them or not, and sometimes I just feel like my head won't stop thinking and my stomache turns in knots for no apparent reason, even if I'm just sitting at home chillin' i get those feelings of anxiety.

The second reason I went to the doctor is to quit smoking... yup thats right... I smoke. now ,Mom, I know that you know, but its just something we never have talked about, but now that I'm quitting, I'm going to be writing it in my blog and I thought, well now everyone knows!! But I'm super excited to quit smoking! I really think I can do it! Kevin and I decided that if we're havin' a baby sometime in the future, Its best to quit now, then when I'm all knocked up. Kevin and I are going to go to the Y and start working out (for real, because after my doctor wieghed me, I feel like a big fat heffer) and soon I'm going to be the healthiest and skinniest me EVER!!! (high hopes, think positive...you can do it...) Thats what I keep telling myself.

The doctor prescribed me Welbutrin. It is for both the anxiety and to help me quit smoking. Its funny because she made it sound like a wonder drug. "Most of my patients say that for the first week or two that they have VERY VERY vivid dreams" "You're going to feel SOOOOOOOoooo good, like you're on cloud nine all day""You're going to want to go stand in crowds just because you CAN!" (I don't think doctors should make promises that drugs may not be able to keep) But non the less, I start taking it tomorrow, and I set my quit date to April 1st... MY BIRTHDAY!!! WOO HOO for me!! Vivid dreaming sounds like fun! HOw is that a BAD side effect?! :)

I have an eye doctor appointment on Wednesday so they can jab a needle in my eye and flush out my tear duct... I know what you're all thinking... "ME NEXT!!" But it isn't as fun as it sounds, believe me. I'm just excited to be able to wear eye liner again with out my eye watering it all off.

Well, I gotta go find somewhere in GF that has Mr. FuzzyButts Rx cat food. I suppose he's earned his monthly feeding :)