So we have this friend named Jason, we all call him Brueckner. Josie dated him. We've known him for at least 10 years or so. I know he may read this, I know he's read Josies blog so.. yeah.
I wish I could tell you all about Brueckner, thing is, he's never really been one person. He's like a social camelion (sp?). I wanted to set the scene by telling those of you who don't know him a little about him, who he is or his outlook on life. I can't do that though, cause no one knows the 'real' brueckner, and in some sick way I think he likes it that way. Well, he moved away and lost touch with us here in DL. He got a girlfriend, and continued to go to school. There were sighting from some of us here and there "oh I saw Brueckner and Ali yesterday.. yeah he seems to be doing good"
He pops into town last week. He says he's there to say good bye to everyone. He tells me and Kevin that he is engaged, and that he is waiting for a call from his girlfriend (who recentely moved to Oregon) and that when she is settled he'll be joining her there. He tells us they have big plans of getting married and moving to England. The whole time he's in town, he's says he is doing things for "one last time" seeing people and telling them how he feels about them (whether it be good or bad) for "one last time" He says it is refreshing and liberating to be able to tell people what he things about them after so long.
I guess you can say, Brueckner, that my next couple paragraphs is going to be VERY LIBERATING....
So he is haning out with us as they play poker and insists on trying to down a bottle of Vodka because it is his "courage juice" and that there is something he needs to tell us all after he's had enough to drink. I'm sorry but I'm a blunt person, and I hate it when people hint around to stuff... all night he was acting depressed and honestly bringing the whole party down with him. He tells Josie and Butto that he is going to kill himself that night. (Ah... so thats where the whol "one last time" fits) I understand that people get depressed, and suicide is NOTHING to take lightly.
I found out that he had lied to Kevin and I, the truth is his girlfriend broke up with him, moved to Oregon, and doesn't want to talk to him. He is jobless, and very messed up. I don't mean to sound.... sarcastic or passive about the whole thing, but we've all had to deal with this whole "5 dimensions of Brueckner" for YEARS now and I'm just venting.
For the record we got all the hints.... the talking about "good old days" the COUNTLESS "last times" for things. But if you need help, then ASK for help, tell people the TRUTH. No one even knows WHO he is... even the people closest to him and I dont even know who that would be cause he never lets anyone get that close. He's been diagnosed with mental illness albeit personality disorders, depression, whatever. Take the meds, they will help.
Poker night, he and Josie go for a walk (I stand by my theory that be is NOT Josie's problem anymore and that she, married and preggers, should not have to console him after he CHEATED on her) and he felt better.
The next day, he was over at our house, vowing that we will NEVER see him again, he is shutting his phone off, not getting a cell phone, changing his email, and moving. He made it OBVIOUS that he does NOT want us to contact him, even though he was beating around the bush so hard there was nothing but twigs left.
Then he started working with Doug, and then sucked that up, and why I don't know.
Brueckner, if you getting the feeling that none of your friends like you anymore, it isn't that, it is just that you won't LET us KNOW WHO YOU ARE. You won't be yourself, you're always fake and you need professional help. Distancing yourself from us is your choice not ours, remember that.
He emailed Josie to let her know he read her blog, and well, I hope he reads mine, cause this is the truth, I'm not going to lie , I'm not going to beat around the bush. There it is. I don't 'get' you Brueckner, and I think you like it that way, so I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of thinking you got me tricked. I think you're weird, and unstable, and you need help more than any of us can give you.
You'll always be my friend, but you have to be honest with me or I'm not going to listen.
I don't speak for everyone. Just myself. one last thing... take a shower.
Now for those of you who think that I've been harsh and mean... Brueckner has been playing mind games with us for years now, and I'm not going to do it anymore.
you're right, that is liberating.
