We went to Grand Forks yesterday and spent the weekend hanging out and shopping. Last night Blake's Roomy Jeff turned 21 so of course we went out. Kevin was sick so he spent the night in the hotel room curled up into a ball. I felt bad for leaving him but he assured me he really didn't care. I think he just wanted to finish the book before I did! So there I was, ready to go to the bar to meet the guys that were already inside. It's a place called Bucks. I've only been there a handfull of times because I don't like Country music and that is the majority of crap they spin there. Plus, I hate large crowds and unfortunately Bucks is one of the in Gbusiest places F on a Sat. night. Anyway, I work up the courage to walk in there ALONE! Now, to some, this may be something you just... DO. For me, I had to prepare. I mentally told myself "April, your like 24, dont' be such a freakin' baby, and just walk in, no one freakin' cares what you look like, what your wearing, that you are alone, that you are giantly tall, that you are looking at the floor, or that you don't look like you belong there." I know these are silly things to think, but trust me when I say that I can't help but think these things and more. I don't want to hear "oh April you just have to relax and realize that your fears are unrealistic... I don't want any psychoanalysis crap cause I know I'm messed up that way... So anyway, I take a deep breath and walk in, hoping that no one will even look at me. Boy was I wrong! I get stopped at the door, they scan my ID and it comes back EXPIRED... which yeah okay it is expired, but just because it is expired doesn't mean I got younger because of it. So the guys goes "sorry you can't come in" I stand there looking like an idiot while people are walking by as I try to explain to this guy that I am indeed 24 and that I am meeting people inside and that just because my ID is expired doesn't mean jack, it's a picture of me, it has my Birthday on it... just let me in dangit. anyway, I get in. And I feel pukey.... LOTS OF PEOPLE and I don't know where I'm going to meet Blake and his buddies. Feeling really icky, I almost consider walking back out. But I decided that it took too much bull to get in, I wasn't about to leave now. The music is loud, people are loud, lights are flashing and it is dark... and I don't know where I'm going. My stomach feels like not only are the butterflies trying to get out, but large angry bats are also trying to get out. I have to remind myself to breathe at a slower speed before I hyperventalate. Then I see Blake, and run to grab a seat. Oh, wow look at this... a group of new people I've never met... all staring at me. Okay there was only 3 people I didn't know at the table, but still everyone was looking at me when I walked up. I sit next to Blake, and my nerves calm down as everyone is just chilling and looking around. YAY I DID IT! Went into a situation that I normally would have never done. Breakthrough for me! Even if it was a small one. Then we went to a larger club, with even more people. I felt pretty uncomfortable there because there was standing room only, and it was shoulder to shoulder and chicks wearing practically NOTHING kept bumping into me... I felt icky, but I tried to dance... yeah that wasn't about to happen any time soon. The minute I got onto the dance floor I noticed hey wait, I can't dance. Not only can I NOT dance.... everyone is facing the dance floor and everyone is looking at me... okay so maybe NO ONE was looking at me, but it felt like they were. I can't dance when I'm thinking about not falling or not looking stupid so there wasn't a point to dancing so I had to leave. I thought "have a drink, calm down and maybe I can dance later" well that didn't happen... but baby steps people BABY STEPS!
Wow, that little story turned into a long drawn out rant.... anway, we went to another smaller bar, and that was fun too. Jeff had a good Birthday I think. Speaking of birthdays! it was my Amy's birthday on Saturday and KARISSA's Birthday yesterday, so YAY for you guys! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Kevin and I saw the movie Madagascar is that how you spell it? Anyway, it was an okay movie. I don't recomment spending a million dollars at the theater to see it, but it is definately a renter. Definately a kid flick, but with some adult humor thrown in as well.
Okay, I was planning on writing more, but I'm tired and need to go to bed. I'm sure I'll have time to post from work. :)
Monday, June 13, 2005
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4 comments:
so you're perty sure i can't get a prarie dog as a pet? i don't think they sell them in stores so i'd prob have to go catch one myself. this is becoming more trouble than it's worth, maybe.
Tell ya what, if you get a small wooden box with holes in the side that is marked "fragile" within the next couple of days.... you don't know where it came from... got it!!
muy bien, a si megusta! if you like the japanese peoples use of our language, check out engrish.com, there's some good stuff there.
april, you are not hugely tall in fact, short asses like myself only wish we were as tall as you and thats what i think everytime i see a tall person. I have some of the same things about going places alone. I always think, oh god people are going to think, I'm to big of a loser for anyone to want to come with me. I dont' know, I have a lot of other little quirks about stuff like that too. I know it sucks I guess is the point I'm getting at. And it would be frustrating if people keep telling you to get over it.
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