Waiting for something good...

Warning: This is a "poor me" post. This is me venting... because thats pretty much what I do best I think.

First of all... Beginning on July 1st, I will be paid by the hour. I'm currently a salaried employee. Now theoretically this should not affect my annual pay... theoretically I work 40 hours a week (uh huh)...I have the same responsibilities and the only thing changing is that now I have to punch a timeclock. Well, for some reason, this makes me mad. I can't explain the reasons behind my feelings, because I completely understand why they are doing it. But, It constantly feels like I'm being held back with this company. The entire time I've worked at the hotel, I've always had to ask for my raises... never have I been reviewed... I have to remind them that my anniversary has come and gone, and still am waiting for my "evaluation". I don't know exactly how many raises I've gotten, I think only 3 or 4 and two of them were because of a promotion and the others because I had to insinuate that if I didn't get a raise, I'd quit. When I was hired as AGM, I was given the minimum pay for the position. I have a feeling that if a person with my experience walked in, they would have offered them more. Plus all my experience is with THEIR company... pppfff.

Little secret (you know for all 4 of you that still read my blog) I'm lookin' for another job. I need a change. Not only because of the above reasons... but because I'm 28, I've worked there for 9 years and I feel like I am holding myself back just because I feel comfortable there. I feel like I'm letting my mind rot. I'm not learning anything new, I'm not being challenged. I don't want to be one of those crabby, "stuck in her ways" employees. Now, I'm not in a hurry to find another job... I'm just keeping my eye on the classifieds, if anything catches my eye, I'll look into it. Being that my college degree was an obvious mistake, I'm not specifically trained in anything useful so I HAVE to get experience in some sort of field or two so I have more career options.

I would give anything to stay home with Aiden all day. He spends 8 hours at daycare. I only see him for 4 hours a day... 4 HOURS! Thats it. thats all we have. Heidi spends more time with him than I do. I want to be the one to teach him things, like how to behave, manners, ABCs, numbers, potty training. I know he is two, and I know he's going through the terrible twos... but he hits ALL the time. He screams... and boy do I mean SCREAMS. we spend most of our 4 hours with him either telling him not to hit me, putting him in time out, fighting with him in public or getting him ready for bed. We're tired from work, and too often we let him free play alone or watch tv. I think if he was with me all day, he wouldn't need to act out so often to get attention. My house would be clean all the time, I would learn how to cook and I'd feel like cooking more healthy, homecooked meals. However, since we have two car payments, a house payment, utilities, cable (maybe cancelling this), medical bills from Aiden and Kevin's stays and surgeries, student loans, credit card debt, and now the freakin' Jeep's axel and transmission is all F'ed up.... GRRRRR. I can't afford to stay home. I think we should move into an apartment, buy used cars, and eat mac and cheese.

Oh, and I am honestly very sad about Michael Jackson's death. I understand he was a freak, I understand he probably did bad things at some points in his life and by no means do I overlook that part of him, but I loved his music. He was talented. I believe he deserves all the praise that he has recieved in his career. No one can argue that he didn't work hard for everything he had (and lost apparently) Almost all of the biggest and best have died an early and unexpected deaths. I can't say I'll miss him, because I haven't been following his story lately, I don't know what he's been doing, he hasn't released any new music. I can say that I will continue to enjoy his music and videos, even if they have been played over and over and over again for the past 2 days. Its just something I don't get tired of. Everyone has their favorite artist/celebrity/athlete.... Michael Jackson was mine and I feel for his kids. The only father they will really know is the one they read about in magazines and watch in documentaries. The oldest is only 12.

Well anyway, thats all the junk on my mind at the moment. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful that I have a job, a husband that loves me so much, and Aiden (smartest cutest kid ever!) On a daily basis I'm a pretty happy person. I just think its time for a change.

*ok I'm done now*