Time to see if this medication stuff is worth the money.

Yesterday Kevin and I toured the YMCA and Center Court Fitness to see which one we want to join. Thats right, we're goin' to the gym. I'll start by saying, I am absolutely terrified of the gym. Any gym. Small gym, big gym... why? Because this is where "THOSE" people go.. you know who I'm talking about, the excercise-a-holics. The beautiful people of the world, the tan, fit, sexy people who know what they're doing on every machine. They know everything about eating healthy, and they're in 4 intermural sports, and they know every muscle in the human body, and how to make that muscle look its best. They're the people that run 5 miles on the treadmill and then an hour of free weights, and then play tennis on their lunch break. They look at people like me and think "I give them a week tops" There are a MILLION things that I honestly believe that they think about people like me. Just walking into the YMCA, made me feel very inadequet. Kevin says he saw people that were not like the people i just described, but I think he just said that to make me feel better, because everybody I saw in there were perfect people with perfect bodies and I did not see one person struggling on a machine. I was hoping to at least see ONE person curled up in the corner, breathing so hard they almost pass out. Because that is going to be me tonight when we go to Center Court for our free trial period. I won't be able to stay on a machine for 5 minutese you kidding me?!

I've never ever ever been in a gym. I'm tellin' ya, NEVER. Not in High School (that is WHY I took ROTC in the first place, so I wouldn't have to work out very hard in Gym class) and not in college. Its been at least 6 years since I've even jogged a block. The minute I start moving fast, my poor smoke damaged lungs are going to be like "what the crap?" "what do you think you're trying to do here?" "Hell no, we're not having any of it" and that, ladies and gentlemen, is why April 2nd is my quit date, because I'm tired of feeling older than I am, and so unhealthy.

Growing up it was all "April is so tall and skinny" "April, eat something, before you blow away" "April can fit in that spot, she's tiny" Well guess what. I'm not tiny any more. and because I grew up being so thin, I never HAD to work out, or worry about what I ate, because I was lucky, and was born small and stayed small, until college, when I got fat.

So, I guess we'll see if I can handle walking into a large place, full of people, the kind of people I despise and are jealous of all at the same time. I don't want to go to the gym. Straight out, but I think if I can make it through tonight, I'm sure I'll be able to follow through with this whole membership thing.

I know it sounds stupid, this whole being scared of going to the gym, but it makes me so nervous that I've been dreading it all damn day. So here's my plan. I'm walking in that place like I own it. I'm walking to the locker room (which is another thing I'm scared of) with the idea that after tonight, I'm going to be one of those people, that knows whats going on, and who likes working out, and can walk on the treadmill for more than 1 mile.