It is naive to think that you are perfect. It is also naive to get mad at someone when they don't like something about you. The reason I say this is because people shouldn't be scared to confront you about an issue they have with the way you may be handling things ( I'm honestly saying this with no particular instince in mind)
I'm not near perfect, and I understand that sometimes I'll do something or say something that is totally not right and "normal" but accknowlodging the fact that I KNOW this, makes me feel comfortable with who I am. Everyone should ask themselves "what is something that I could work on..." Here is some examples of what I'm talking about... I'll use myself.
I'm impatient: When I'm in a hurry and Kevin is being slow, I get mad and upset and nag him. ANALYSIS: He isn't being slow, I'm being too fast, and what will nagging do? Nothing productive I'm sure.
I'm blunt: Sometimes I say something before the thought was processed in my head. This is usually where my stupid questions come from. This is why I have a hard time writing, because I can't type as fast as I talk and think, and I have to read it over to make sure it makes sense, and if it doesn't I change it... in converstions, you can't hit the backspace button. ANALYSIS: When I start saying something, I should know when to stop before it becomes a problem.
Anxiety: For those of you who don't know, I HATE crowds. I'm always thinking of what other people are thinking of me. I've had panic attacks. Not just crowds but people in general. I don't like meeting a lot of new people at one time because I know that they will all be judging me, and I just can not be myself, and then people won't get to know the real me because I'll be too scared shitless to behave normally. ANALYSIS: Because of this problem, I haven't met many of Kevin's PT friends, I don't go out to clubs unless I'm dragged. When there is a problem involving me and at least 2 other people, I ignore it or start getting upset and direct my anger towards the wrong people.
So, taking this second job was like Therapy for me. It is totally out of my "norm" and I'm doing just fine. When you understand your weaknesses you can help them balance with your strengths.
At work, I'm having a hard time remembering things (I think I'm losing my mind) so, I'm trying to show my manager that yes, I acknowlege there is a problem, and I'm trying to fix it. .... WOW, now I'm starting to babble. Did I make a point? I don't remember, oh well if I didn't. Most of you who read this, know me anyway.
Saturday, December 11, 2004
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5 comments:
I like that you're blunt. Not many people will come out and say exactly what they're thinking. I do understand that it can get a person in trouble sometimes though. I understand your anxiety too. I've had anxiety for a long time, but I think it's getting worse. Like when Doug and I went to the mall the other day I couldn't go into any of the stores. They just looked too small, so I sat on a bench while Doug went in. And there were too many people there. I felt like everyone was staring at me and I was afraid of making eye contact with them. It sucked. Maybe you should have a few drinks before you go somewhere you know there will be lots of people. I know I should. :)
Lol I have a bit of anxiety too. I hate driving and going out of the house. Even to go visit a friend is a huge task for me because I'm not in my safe bubble. BUt you're right, sometimes you need to do the uncomfortable to have things that really make you happy.
One of my little "faults" I guess you could say would be that I don't think through before I say something. Makes me look like an idiot, when in fact I reguard myself as somewhat of an intelligent person (obviously not modest though).
I totally know what you mean about the crowds thing I always feel like I can't breath or something when I have to meet and incredibly large number of people all at once
Yes April I know what you are talking about. There are times that you talk before you think.
But that is something everyone is guilty of at one time or another. I also agree that your husband has the patience of a saint and he is always so calm. He is your solemate he understands you and never gets too upset when you "nag" him. He knows that you love him, and that you are just in a hurry and not really mad at him. The fact that you hate crowds, you got from your father. He has never liked going out to bars or even going to some of the Hammond family gatherings. But I think he has finally gotten use to that,after 28 years of marriage.
We all love you just the way you are.
Love Mom
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