I met the most obnoxious, rude man ever to walk this earth today. I could go into detail, which is actually the funnier version, but I'm tired, so all you get is the cliff's notes (is it cliff, or clift?... anyway..)
TIME: 5:00 pm
WHERE: on the sidestreet of Downtown where I park for work.
I round the corner to go to my car
I see my car.
I see a big white service vehicle VERY close to my car.
I notice upon further examination. This asstard is parked NO MORE than an INCH from my drivers side
It is cold, very cold, with wind. My face is burning because it is so cold.
I'm not shitting you, this truck was parked SO CLOSE that I couldn't fit my HAND between our vehicles.
The truck is also parked at an angle, so I couldn't have even backed out at all without scratching our vehicles.
I march back into work, and rant. Boss tells me to go to Leevers (grociery store whose back faces the other side of the street that my car is parked on) and talk to the dudes doing the construction on their Deli, because chances are, it belongs to one of them.
I walk around to the front side of the store... still freezing with ice in my nose.
I march back to the deli, and here is the conversation...
ME: I want to talk to the guys working on your deli
CLERK: why
ME: because
CLERK: um...
ME: Because one of them is parked an inch away from my car and I can't leave
ASSTARD: What color is it?
ME: White
ASSTARD: Does it have a rack on it?
ME: I don't know, I didn't look, is it yours parked across the street over there
ASSTARD: Maybe what color is it
ME: WHITE!
ASSTARD: Does it have a rack
ME: I DON'T KNOW,
CLERK: Can you come around in the back and talk to him?
I stomped into the stock room
The Asstard "dave" is no where around
Fat guy wearing a greasy white shirt and a nasty tan jumpsuit sporting a big gray beard, and narly yellow teeth woddles around the corner
ME: Um... Dave? can you please move your truck
ASSTARD: Yeah, hold on I have to go to the bathroom
ME: Can you just move your truck
ASSTARD: I will go to the bathroom, then I will move my truck... OOOKAY!
ME: SIGH!
I wait for like 10 minutes
ASSTARD: Come on, You're probably not in your lines anyway
The argument about being "in my lines" lasts the whole time we're walking to the cars. I WAS THERE FIRST!
ASSTARD sees his truck, "yeah thats my white truck, with the RACK... see that on top, thats the rack I was asking you about."
ME: Can you please just move your TRUCK!"
ASSTARD: Yeah, look you are almost on the white line there... Look at all that room you have on your other side..
Okay, that OBVIOUSLY wasn't there when I parked there, and besides HE knowingly parked that close to my car, ass.
He makes me stand in the cold while he tries to explain to me that this is somehow my fault.
ME: I'm frickin' freezing here, can you just move your damn truck so I can get into my car!
Asstard gets into his white truck with the racks on top, and slowly manuvers his way out... I thought for sure he was going to his my car.
He stops behind my car and sits there. He looks at me and twiddles his "tata" fingers at me and just sits there so I can't get out. I flip him off.
He rolls down his window "good bye sweetheart"
ME: YOU ARE A COMPLETE ASSHOLE!
I get into my car, and huff and get pissier. I've never seen two cars so close... what an ass! GRRR!!
Okay that was way longer than I thought it was going to be... sorry.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
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8 comments:
What a dick!
The story is much funnier in person but that guy is definetly an ass.
OMG!!! that would of just PEEVED me!!! grrrrr..... so i really want to come to DL this weekend... but i work the night audit on friday and then i have to work the morning on sunday... but i could come for the day ... does that work for you ... mabey i will just sleep in on friday untill work and then come and then head back later that eve.... i duuno what you think??? I helped tammy set up a blog .... but she has yet to post to it... mabey i sould post to it for her like you do with kevin.. i think i will it will be a nice suprise for her :) here is the address www.livejournal.com/~rockingrandma ha ha ha isnt that cute... she is so excited to be a grandma!
if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, tis mos probably a duck. some people are just assholes, they enjoy acting like that.
Go back there today, find his truck, and wedge a couple large nails under his tire. then think of that fat loser changing a tire, sometime in the near future, in the cold.
Actually, don't do that, it's wrong (but seriously.....do it)
What an asshat! You've probably calmed down by now, but if you ever run into someone like this again, here's a few choice insults you can throw at them:
"If you called the Suicide Hotline, they'd say: 'Go ahead. Do it!'"
"Maybe you wouldn't come across as such a jellyfish-sucking mental midget if that pimple on your ass hadn't turned out to be a brain tumor."
"You have a face that people rub tree branches on to make ugly sticks."
"You are an insufferable menace and a grotesque, mattress-soiling tainted spawn of a syphilitic swamp hog. And those are your good qualities."
Hope you're having a better day today! :^)
Damn jerkoff. Atta girl for flicking him off!
That's crazy! I wonder sometimes how much it must suck to keep yourself alive just so you can wake up the next day and be an ass to someone else. At least you can know that your life has to be waaayyy better than his. :)
Thanks for the comments guys! Mr. Toast, that was freakin' hilarious!I'll have to try one of those sometime!
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