Who knew that it was possible to love 5 lbs of anything SOOOOOOO much!

If you've been under a rock (or off celebrating Christmas like normal people..) Read THIS before continuing. Its Kevin's blog the past couple of days to update you so i don't have to repeat everything.

I got to come home today. I have mixed feelings about this. I'm happy because I get to sleep in my own bed and heal. But I HATED having to come home without Aiden. I hate it more than anything. I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I feel like I can't just sit at home and do nothing. I feel like I should be at the hospital with him and do SOMETHING, ANYTHING. But I'm stuck at home and I know this is going to drive me crazy, its only been one day and I don't know how I'm going to deal with it tomorrow. Although we can visit Aiden any time we want to, We really can't just sit and stare at him for too long. I can't sleep.

Like everyone else, I have always thought that a mothers/fathers touch is some of the best medicine for sick little babies. But thats just not the case. Too much touch can stress the wee one out and cause his breathing to be off or his heart rate change. Right now his little body just likes to lay under the lights and slowly heal itself. The hardest part is being so close, but not being able to touch him too much. I want to scoop him up and give him tons of kisses and that is not an urge a person usually has to fight off.

I'm pumping for him so when he is able to start eating, he can get all the good stuff. It makes me happy that pumping is one way I can help him and makes me feel a little less helpless and out of control.

UPDATE:

We went to visit him tonight. They found air between his lung and chest walls. There's a fancy word for it- but basically it happens in most babies that swallowed menconium. They took him off the CPAP and put just his headunder a "hood" which is a hard cicle plastic thing (that resembles the cover to a room service tray or cake holder) then 100% oxygen is pumped into the hood. This helps take the pressure of forced air (from the CPAP) off his lung so that it can inflate completely again.

Kevin is better at explaining the medical stuff.

Bottom line- even with the small lung problem (that is easily fixed) he is doing better today than he was yesterday. Thats all that matters. We're going back to the hospital tomorrow morning for a visit. I'll probably update on my blog everyday being that Its something to keep me busy.

I'll try to post a picture tomorrow.